i fucking fail. my life is so busy in such an odd way. anyway, here's the post. finally.
life is good. lots of reading going on at the present. less internet, more books. this is good for a zeke. probably good for a you, too -- but apparently that lesson hasn't sunk in yet if you're still reading this shite i spew. don't worry, it took me ages to figure it out, and i still have to drag myself away from the computer nonetheless.
reading! specifically: on the road
, zen mind, beginner's mind
, all of statistics
(for nearly the third time i'm attempting it, this time having fulfilled the requisite studies beforehand. a good practice, let me tell you...), a first course in calculus
(not entirely done, but very nearly so), and the hero's journey
(don't get too upset brian and leilani! i'm just starting on the road, which i got from emma the same time i got this book from you guys, so it's nothing personal. i just suck.). and this is all good, reading a lot is definitely very good. i find that i fulfill my goals a lot better, and i enjoy what i read a lot more when i read a book. not that the medium which one uses really matters, but the content is much more developed and pertinent to my interests. this likely also has to do with how much more effort i put into selecting books than websites. anyway, i digress...
my gig as a millwright isn't going badly or great. it's certainly not bad, i'm not in any way behind schedule. but i could be doing better. of course, this doesn't matter so much. i've got enough money for my purposes, and plenty of time to live life -- this is what really matters, methinks. i'm working on learning to weld, rather, working on becoming a certified structural welder. i can already weld, that is certain. not great, but i can do a decent weld. i just need more practice. also working on getting more certifications (altho i already have more certifications than like three quarters of the union... this is only because they're more useful to an apprentice, and because i really don't mind putting in extra time when the option is there.), specifically three turbine related certs. that's enough of that shite, work is boring, and no one really needs to know much about it.
math! oh my, i love math. i really do. and i'm learning a lot of it, at least for the time i have to put into it. i've finished an introductory linear algebra book, and nearly finished a one year calculus book (the aforementioned, by serge lang -- i highly recommend it to any interested.), and this all since the beginning of the year. okay, that's only two books, but i do, in fact, do other things in my life aside from geeking. it's fun, i like doing it, there's not much more to say.
programming: the math kinda is there to support the programming. but i also like the math by itself. it just depends on what sorta math you're talking about as to whether i learn it to do things with it or just because it's so damned cool. but programming, while i love it on it's own, is definitely all about doing things. ai/machine learning/statistical inference approaches to solving complex problems in my life that lend themselves to such a solution. also have a longer term goal of developing an automated trading system. this won't happen for a while. i'm not a good enough programmer or mathematician yet, nor do i have the money to invest. but it will happen at some point, this i guarantee. i do not, however, guarantee it'll be a success. but i think it will. we'll see...
zen!!! whee, this is the most exciting (to me) part of it all. well, of the personal, studyish, things i'm doing because i love them/to better myself sorta stuff. zen, at least for me, has been the single most useful of all my pursuits of any sort over the past few years. no joke. it's a bitch to be consistent about meditation (to give you an idea, i've only got eleven days straight at this point), but i find that when i do meditate consistently, i tend to do better in being reasonable, sincere, and compassionate in my day to day life. this is good. this is what i want to do. i also intend to go to two sesshins
a year, or more if possible. we'll see how feasible that is -- i'm not quite at a point yet where i can afford to turn down jobs just to go off and meditate for a week. no matter how much i'd like to. also, i found after my first, last, and only sesshin thus far, that i was fairly disoriented for the first day or two afterwards. well, no, disoriented isn't the right word -- normal life just seemed so absolutely stupid, so many parts of it, at least. i imagine that wouldn't be as severe now, but i still wouldn't want to go on a job immediately after sesshin. also, at some point, if i can manage it, i'd really like to do an ango
or two. or three. we'll see what's feasible, what emma can handle, and all that. there's a very good possibility that a three month deal like that would be absolutely unnecessary, and in fact, irresponsible, given my place in life right now. that won't be happening for like a year or two anyway, so i don't need to worry about it now.
music: i don't really care that much anymore. i still love the same music i always have, but i really don't have that much music in my life right now. this'll change once emma's here, i'm sure. but it'll never be quite as important to me as it has been. he says so smugly as he listens to his lossless copy of ghosts i-iv from nin. hypocrite. =P
intoxicants: i say intoxicants because i'm really including a lot here. hell, i'd even include fast food/soda... caffeine, alcohol, excessive refined sugar, nicotine and more stereotypical drugs. yes, i included excessive refined sugar as an intoxicant, because it can certainly affect me like one. not that i get any serious high from excessive sugar like i do drugs, but the effects aren't that desirable anymore for me. same goes for alcohol, caffeine, all of it. i doubt i'll abstain from all of them entirely, but they will certainly take a back seat in my life in the future. the clarity of mind and simple, ordinary, boring, intellectual and spiritual life i'm interested in are simply uncompatible with all but infrequent or moderate indulgence any intoxicants.
emma: last, but certainly not least. like, by no means at all. she's almost here. this means that, yes, i will, buddha willing (teehee, i make myself lol...), be married in under three months. she's got a doctor's appointment and one interview, and then she'll have the visa. after that, well, she comes here, we get (legally) married ASAP, and we start the paperwork for her green card. and i really couldn't be happier about all of this. i mean, not the paperwork and the hassle and the fucking visa... EMMA! i'm excited about her. i really can't imagine having a more perfect relationship than what i've got with her. we're equally wild and simple and everyday boring (in the way that you all by now should know me to be, to some extent or another), and i really think that's what makes us click so well. well, among countless other things that i have no interest in going into now. the point is just to get y'all up to date on my life, not to spoil my memoirs. =P
anyway, basically life is great. i live pretty simply. i don't see many of my friends very often, and while i'd like to see them more often, it doesn't really bug me that i don't, either. i don't do much, honestly. i read, i do zen, i work, and i talk to emma. that's about it. and that is just perfectly fine. i fucking love my life.
that's it, bitches!